Saturday, October 20, 2007

Journal (The Bell Jar)

10-20-07
log in 1
pg 4
Esther begins by telling us her troubles and she says that one of those troubles is Doreen, Doreen is beautiful but she is a bit irresponsible and what I noticed is that even though Esther believes herself to be plain and ugly and not very attractive she says Doreen singles her out from the others right away. I want to know why? is it because she doesn't look rich and she'll appreciate what she's given? or that she wants more out of her life than just a husband, kid, and a home? was it that she can tell Esther has smarts and will become something in life? or just that Esther has more to worry about than if her outfit and pocketbook will match tomorrow? and then Esther says one of her troubles is Doreen but she wont say why, why is Doreen such a trouble, in the way she is described she's not so harmful only reckless and rebellious. How much trouble can she cause from a distance? If Esther is really wary of her she'll stop talking to her.

10-21-07
log in 2
pg 8
Why the laughter warn her? When the guys looked at Doreen and her and she said "the laughter should have warned me" I understand the type of laughter and why it should have warned her, but why didn't it? what was the reason that she decided to walk out of the cab and into the club? was it curiosity? or just that she didn't want to have any regrets? or was it simply that she didn't want to go to the party? her willingness to give up something she thinks is worthless for something she thinks is better whithout the knowledge to judge interests me.

10- 22-07
log in 3
pg 17 ch 2
there are three types of women in that society, the whore, the good wife, and the spinster who spends her life alone with her cats. Doreen is a whore. This was obvious because she slacked in her work and had no crave for knowledge so she was not a spinster, she was too different to be a good wife and she would most likely be put into the category of a whore because the way she was with lenny was not proper at all. So if Doreen was a whore then what category did Esther fit into? she wasn't a good wife like Becky and her friends and she wasn't a spinster, and if she didn't fit into them then they don't exist because categories are like sections and every person should be able to fit into them, maybe if they had an outcast category everyone would fit.

10-23-07
log in 4
ch 2 pg 22
In this page Esther says quite clearly that she made a decision about Doreen it was that she would watch her and lister to what she said, but deep down she would have nothing to do with her. Deep down, I would be loyal to Betsy and her innocent friends. It was Betsy I resembled at heart. There are two things that catch my eye here one was that it was very mean what she was doing to Doreen in not being a good friend and if it was Betsy she resembled at heart she would have helped her along with been content to fit into the roles that society placed in front of her.

10-23-07
log in 5
ch 3 pg 26
This page expresses Esthers need to not be stereotypical, to stand out and do her own thing whether it is considered right or not. This page is one of the various examples of these actions that show how independent she wants to be. Here she says how she never wants to get married mostly because of how horrible the life of a wife is and the duties that come along with it consisting of being pretty, cleaning, being content with being completely dependent on your husband with no means of surviving if something were to happen to him.

10-24-07
log in 6
ch3 pg 34
I found it very interesting not only how her class dean regarded her as an expirament but also how she tricked all of her teachers and used her intelligence to get out of the situation. With the class Dean I was astounded at how easily they lapped up her story, it was as if they were much more eager to believe her other than acknowledge her brilliance in the plan. And as for the brilliance in her plan it really was brilliant and luck was in her favor as well as persuasiveness since she had not only already done the first year that was required but she also got a straight A in it as well.

10-25-07
log in 7
ch 4 pg 44
Her sickness seemed so disturbing I cannot imagine how horrible it must have felt. There was also some great imagery in this piece such as the following " the sickness rolled through me in great waves. After each wave it would fade away and leave me limp as a wet leaf and shivering all over and then I would feel it rising up in me again,and the glittering white torture-chamber tiles under my feet and over my head and on all four sides closed in and squeezed me to pieces." To me the way it was described I would have dreaded the limp leaf feeling more than the great waves because it seems as if you can only wait it out and you can do nothing to fast-forward it.

10-25-07
log in 8
ch 4 pg 48
I would really like to know who would want to kill a lot of girls all who work hard and are the future of many things? was it some man who thought girls shouldn't be working hard and learning to be independent, was he scared when he poisoned the meat? scared that these girls could make even better choises then the choises of men? Scared that the future of important things that make differences in the world could be affected by the studing that these girls do? and Did they believe that maybe all the unknown these girls were bringing to society couldn't be good so the world would be better without them?

10-26-07
log in 9
ch 5 pg 55
The Fig tree is such a weird symbol, I can hardly understand it at all it speaks of a fig tree that grew on a green lawn between tehe house of a Jewish man and a convent, and the Jewish man and a beauiful dark nun kept meeting at the tree to pick the ripe figs, until one day they saw an egg hatch and their hands touched and afterwards the nun stopped coming to pick out ripe figs instead an old mean-faced catholic kitchen maid came out to pick them and she was very strict that they would both get the same amount. Anyway I think the point of the story is that sometimes things happen that seem like miracles but just one small mistake can send them rushing away and the things left behind seem as if in chaos.

10-27-07
log in 10
ch 5 pg 60
I have a question regarding the quote on this page "oddly enough, things changed in the house after that, The seniors on my floor started speaking to me and every now and then one of them would answer the phone quite spontaneously and nobody made any more nasty loud remarks outside my door about people wasting their golden college days with their noses stuck in a book." First of all might that sudden change of attitude be due to the part that Esther might be moving on to serious relationships and that might mean becoming a good wife which is something that those girls I believe respected. Another thing is if she wanted to study to be smart and to have a good education what was wrong with that? and what else could she do with her golden college days weren' t girls supposed to be pure?

10-28-07
log in 11
ch 6 pg 65
" The woman's stomach stuck up so high I couldn't see her fceor the upper part of her body at all. She seemed to have nothing but an enormous spider-fat stomach and two little ugly spindly legs propped in the gigh stirrups" Here she seems to be daring to say that a woman's purpose in life isn't to have an identity, a meaning, a remembrence at all her soul purpose in life was to have children, and that she was just an object, something that could be reused if only the drug was available, And that the only reason men even needed women was that they needed then to bear other little children otherwise they would be worthless.

10-28-07
log in 12
ch 6 pg 72
Esther said that once she would have gladly accepted buddy's proposal of marriage, but that was before she found out he had a double life and she decided a man who didn't have the honest guts to admit straight off to everybody how he'd slept with that waitress and face up to it as part of his character didn't deserve to marry her. When I finally figured out how hypocritical it had been of him to have sex with some waitress that wanted him while acting the innocent school boy who wanted to be a doctor and have a good wife and kids with everyone he respected. It really annoyed me how he did this and I had to agree with Esther about her decision.

10-29-07
log in 13
ch 7 pg 74
I was really struck when I read this quote It made me really wonder about who Esther was, anyway here goes "This Constantin won't mind if I'm too tall and don't know enough languages and haven't been to Europe, he'll see through all that stuff to what I really am." So here she's hoping, really hoping that this man will be the man she's been looking for, the man who doesn't care about stereotypical behavior and will accept her for who she is, of course this is only a fantasy, dreams that stretch on forever a dream that keeps her searching, however what really caught my attenttion is when she said that he would see through all her faults to her real self but this lead me to my original question who is she really?

10-29-07
log in 14
ch 7 pg 77
Esther finally confronts her problems and realizes that if she never decides what she wants her opportunities will shrivel away and not be available anymore the following quote explains it better " From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor.... I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because i couldn' tmake up my mind which of the figs I would choose.I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and , as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." the final question is can she make a choice?

10-30-07
log in 15
ch8 pg 94
When Buddy proposes to Esther she gets very defensive because she recalls the time when he laughed at her for wanting two things at the same time, she refuses him because she feels as if she'll never have a place in life, as if no matter what the two things she wants won't be able to fuse well. "'Neurotic, ha!"' I let out a scornful laugh. "'if neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."'

10-30-07
log in 16
ch 8 pg 97
The thing that changes her mind and makes her want to go down the slope is the idea that she just might die, and while she's going down she feels a rush of scenery, air, mountains, trees people, the students, the experts, she feels everything but in a flash and she says that that is what it must be like to be happy. As for what I think of this, I think happiness can come from various places depending on who you are, what your personality is and all of that stuff. Her happiness comes from feeling a deep sense of attatchment to nature and no sense of attatchement at all for her fellow humans.